Are you happy? Are you happy? Are you happy?
Well, you d better say yes.
Khmer people are obsessive about being happy. Happiness coupled with soft laughter, and plenty of smiles are the only acceptable means of emotion in Cambodia. In the early mornings at the field office I usually have a nice cup of coffee, and think about how my day will play out. Inevitably, it is interrupted by
“Good Morning, Amanda.”
Followed by the all too familiar question:
“Are you happy?”
Ahhhh yes. Happiness. The Elusive Happiness.
Not so elusive here.
“Of course.” I always answer.
Seemingly, it is easy to be happy here: sunshine abounds, good people are always close, the food is delicious, and yes, it is true, happy faces are around every corner. But surely happiness is not the only emotion in the world. And surely not everybody here can be happy all the time, including me.
Partially, I think this overt display of happiness comes from their need to please their guests. I am a guest in their country, and if my newly found friends were guests in Canada, I too would want them to be happy and pleased with Canadian food, Canadians and the beauty of Canada.
But as I dig a bit deeper I am slowly finding out that it is more about trust and less about happiness.
Canadians trust easily. Friendships easily made, work relationships easily made, we trust the price that a shopkeeper gives us, we (mostly) trust our government, we trust our laws, and by and large we trust each other.
Unfortunately, this is not the case here. This sense of distrust is seen in every smiling face. Even in a meeting you know is not going well (happy times), even when you see a baby that is severely malnourished (also time to smile), even when you are visiting with a friend and they recount their life in the Khmer Rouge work camps (don t forget to smile), even when you are meeting an ex-Khmer Rouge General (the happiest time of your time), and even if you accidentally kick a chicken while on the back of a moto (sorry lil’ chicken…actually now that I m think about it - it was kinda funny).
Most of the time it all seems quite superficial and put on. Like a play. Like a wonderfully put together piece of theatrical work, but with an acute sense of sadness that is stitched in every made up smile. True emotions are rarely revealed, and only to be expressed among trusted family and friends. I have been quietly told that this sense of distrust stems from the Khmer Rouge Era (1975-79). The Khmer Rouge was a brief but brutal regime that sought after an extreme form of communism, and used ethnic cleansing, torture and draconian type work camps to rid dissidents.
And so the Khmer Rouge still has a hold on the psyche of the Cambodian people. They are still healing.
Believe me – having to work for a healthy trusting work relationship has been hard. Getting past these trust issues has not been a piece of cake. But slowly and surely I feeling like I am getting somewhere – even if it is just 1/3 of a notch up the ladder – it s somewhere. And it happens to be all that more sweet because we’ve worked harder for it.
Amanda
xoxoxoxox
